Counterattack of the Dreamer

I felt quite silly the other day when, upon glancing down at my cup of Starbucks, I subsequently found myself transfixed by what I found there.  It seems they’ve started printing  quotations on their cups, and somehow the perfect cup had made it way into my hand.  Here’s what some dude named Po Bronson had to say:

“Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous.  If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.”

Talk about good timing!  I’m currently making my way through a transition that has brought me back to the U.S. from Japan after a three year stay, and needless to say, it’s not the best time to be pursuing a career change.  I have failed at the various plans I set into action in conjunction with my return, all of which involved learning about an industry of interest to me and getting a good job.

I pursued communications, marketing, and non-profit development, three fields in which I saw a future for someone like myself with international experience, good communications skills, and an inclination toward the competitive.  I was fortunate enough to find mentors in these fields and get plugged into the professional community here in St Louis, and it was all wonderfully instructive.  I started to see a future for myself in St Louis, which truly is an awesome city, and spent afternoons daydreaming about settling down in a nice little house in Dogtown.  One of St Louis’ many pluses is the low cost of real estate.

Then failure stomped in.  I just couldn’t seem to convince any of the organizations in St Louis that I was what they needed, despite being pretty confident that I was making the right moves, thanks to my career counselor and the Parachute book.  Much of this is simply the nature of the game; the job search is tough and disillusioning, even in good economic times.  But recognizing that didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t noticeably closer to acquiring my Dogtown bungalow.

I saw, however, the future out there waiting for me in each field, one or two years in the offing, after a grueling initiation period involving under-employment and good old-fashioned hard work.  I never lost sight of the reality that it was out there if I wanted it, and that kept me from despairing over my situation, but the comprehension of just how difficult it would be to establish myself as a communications specialist, marketing associate, or development officer settled in hard.  This is probably the part where experienced professionals say “duh… welcome to the real world.”  It’s true that I have led a sheltered existence, guarded from the panic that besets most college graduates by the warm blanket of the JET program.

I started to ask some harder questions.  What was I really looking for in a career?  What did it mean to me to enjoy my work?  How did I balance the equation of security versus freedom?  I realized that I had been prioritizing security almost to the exclusion of everything else in my job search, and that as a result I was focusing all my efforts on “good jobs” for which I fit the profile, that is, jobs with a steady income, defined career path, within solid/large organizations.

Did I ever really think I would enjoy these “good jobs?”  I’m not entirely sure.  I certainly thought I could put up with them.  This was the point at which I realized I had given up on the idea of enjoying my career.  Somewhere along the line I had made the decision that I would do what I had to do for my wage while focusing on enjoying the freedom it gave me, and that decision included the unconscious assumption that I wouldn’t be enjoying what I was doing all that much. I could very well have jumped to my feet with an astonished “aha!” when it struck me that I didn’t think I would enjoy communications, marketing, or non-profit development.  How am I supposed to be a leader in a field that I don’t enjoy?

Back to the drawing board I went.  I didn’t have to spend much time there though; self-reflection is something I do well with the proper motivation and mind-set.  As I looked over the past four years and how I’ve spent my time, I felt like a blind man learning to see as I realized that studying Japanese, reading it, and speaking it has not only become my primary passion, but has also made me specially qualified to undertake a career in translation and interpretation.  My friends in Japan would get fed up with me for studying through our poker games, and my coworkers always seemed to view me with a combination of confusion and reassurance at my continued efforts to understand them better.  I have spent a ridiculous amount of time and energy on coming to terms with the Japanese language and the Japanese culture, and all because I felt like doing so.  I’m the only dude I know who has passed Level One of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test entirely through independent study.  Was it really possible that I could make a living by doing more or less the same thing, continuing to deepen my understanding and appreciation of Japan?

Well, let’s hope so, because that’s what I’m setting out to do!  There seems to be a great, supportive community of others doing the same thing out there, and I’m feeling good about my goals.  I anticipate a tough couple of years getting underway, but working toward a career I enjoy makes it seem so much more worthwhile.  This poor economy may have saved me from getting locked into a a career that would have left me less than satisfied.  So thank you, crappy economy.  Thank you, Starbucks.  And thank you, Po Bronson, whoever you are.